On the move again
Posted by: Debs on: October 17, 2009
I always knew I should have been a traveller.
I’m going back into the bosom of lovely, cosy, comfortable, warm and welcoming blogger. You can find me here http://muddybarefeet.blogspot.com/
I will be leaving this blog and all its content here, and will try my very best not to accidentally delete it like I did the last one, so links etc will still work and the Carnival will still be where people expect it to be.
I’m not importing anything across to Blogger because I want to make a fresh start. All future updates will be at the new Blogger site, and I will probably be setting up a private blog too to invite a few of you to, to fulfill the function that the password protected posts do here. All who currently have the password will be invited.
Debs xxx
“Look at all this mess!”
Posted by: Debs on: October 15, 2009
…says R, indicating the pile of videos he’s just pulled down from the shelf and scattered all over the floor. And earlier in the swimming pool he was telling me all about how his feet were submarines, and his legs were seaweed, and his head was a boat bobbing about on the surface. We’ve been to the library today and kept the librarian (who has rather taken a shine to R) nice and busy with endless requests for Doctor Who books. She did very well and produced 3, and so was rewarded by R with a little bobbing up and down dance and many “thank you!”s. He developed an inexplicable desire for a Terry’s Chocolate Orange in the shop afterwards, which I’m afraid I denied him as we already have plenty of chocolate at home, but he seemed quite happy with that as long as I put it back on the shelf for him, as having been informed that we wouldn’t be buying it he didn’t seem to want to hold it for a second longer!
We went to some local charity shops yesterday, which was really lovely as I don’t get much chance to have a really good browse very often, and we also called at the park on the way home. We got a couple of books for R, and 3 for me, as well as 3 new toys for R – an alien thing which my husband informs me is from the film Monsters Inc., and little Shrek model, and a talking Lofty out of Bob the Builder.
Here’s Willow at the park
The books we got for me were Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, by Rebecca Wells, Unless, by Carol Shields and Girl, Interrupted, by Susanna Kaysen. R got Owl Babies by Martin Waddell and an Usborne Little Red Riding Hood. I checked to make sure it had the proper ending, as some versions of this story are truly pathetic, and nobody gets eaten or killed or anything! It’s ridiculous, so I had to check the ending was right before buying it.
The day before last was so warm that R asked to have his paddling pool out! So I filled it with warm water and he got in fully clothed and had a good old splash about. Then he stripped off and continued the games for about an hour. He asked me to bring some of his lorries and diggers out, so he was playing with those in the water.
A strange turn of events last night, as R asked to sleep in his own bed! He hasn’t slept in his own bed at all for about 5 or 6 weeks now, maybe even longer, and I’ve got quite used to him snuggling down next to me every night. I secretly (and selfishly) hoped he might change his mind, and he did. He actually looked quite confused that I’d made his bed (something I haven’t had to do for ages!) and his little pillow and blankie weren’t in my bed. I said it was because he’d said he was going to sleep in his own bed tonight, but he just looked at me like I was daft! lol. I have a post in draft that’s been there for ages about our sleeping arrangements – I will get it finished at some point!
Also, regarding letting go of control re bedtimes and food, yesterday R ate all his broccolli!!!!!! He hasn’t shown the slightest bit of interest in vegetables for a while now, although I keep just putting them on his plate anyhow, but not making any fuss about him leaving them. It was so funny yesterday I was sort of trying to watch him out of the corner of my eye so that he wouldn’t see me looking as he polished off every last piece of broccolli on his plate. Believe me, it took all my willpower not to turn into over-praising-mother and start going “Oh yay, brilliant you’re eating your broccolli, woo-hoo, high five! I’m so pleased!” I’m very please to say I managed to keep my mouth shut and not do any of that.
And that’s it for this little update. :)
Consultation Response
Posted by: Debs on: October 14, 2009
- In: Badman| HE Community
- 2 Comments
The consultation document is here, and you have until 19th October to return your response. I would like to urge everyone, whether you home educate or not, to respond to the consultation. Just say “Disagree” to everything and you’ll be done in a couple of minutes!
Here’s my response, which was number 1812:
1. Do you agree that these proposals strike the right balance between the rights of parents to home educate and the rights of children to receive a suitable education?
Disagree
The parental duty to ensure that their children are educated is just that, a duty, not a right. There is no conflict here between the “rights” of parents and the rights of children. Parents naturally have their childrens best interests at heart, and do their best for them. This can be assumed to be the case even more so in home educating families than in those who choose to delegate their legal responsibility to the state school system. It is because our childrens right to a good education is so important to us that we take our legal responsibility so seriously, and home educate instead of delegating responsibility to anyone else.
2. Do you agree that a register should be kept?
Disagree
What is being proposed is not actually a simple register, but a licensing system for home educators, whereby their “right” to home educate has to be renewed annually and can be removed by Local Authority staff. That is very different from simply having a list of home educating families somewhere in the Local Authority offices, so that they know why those children are not in school, which is what is implied by use of the word “register”. That sort of register would still not be acceptable, but what is being proposed is so much worse.
As home educating families have rejected the state schooling system, the provision of their childrens education ceases to be any business of the state. It is the parent’s duty to ensure their children receive an education, and as such they are only answerable to themselves and their children as to the suitability and efficiency of that education. If there are concerns about a particular family’s provision, there are already systems in place to investigate and deal with that. That these systems are not understood and used correctly is the fault of the Local Authorities, not home educating families. The sort of licencing arrangement being proposed is unnecessary and intrusive into private family life.
3. Do you agree with the information to be provided for registration?
Disagree
See above. No registration is needed.
4. Do you agree that home educating parents should be required to keep the register up to date?
Disagree
See above. No registration is needed.
5. Do you agree that it should be a criminal offence to fail to register or to provide inadequate or false information?
Disagree
See above. No registration is needed.
6. Do you agree that home educated children should stay on the roll of their former school for 20 days after parents notify that they intend to home educate?
Disagree
Absolutely not. The duty to educate children lies with the parents, not the school, or the LA, unless that duty is delegated to them by the parents. If parents choose to remove their child from school to home educate that decision should be thoroughly respected by all concerned, and the school take no further part in that childs educational provision.
7. Do you agree that the school should provide the local authority with achievement and future attainment data?
Disagree
See above. Once a child is removed from school to be home educated, their education and any “future attainment” ceases to be any of the school’s business.
8. Do you agree that DCSF should take powers to issue statutory guidance in relation to the registration and monitoring of home education?
Disagree
No registration or monitoring is needed.
9. Do you agree that children about whom there are substantial safeguarding concerns should not be home educated?
Disagree
And what about the children in school about whom there are safeguarding concerns? This question obviously comes from the mistaken idea that, purely because home educated children are not in school that somehow means they are “hidden”. They are not. “Safeguarding concerns” are just as likely to be picked up by friends, relatives, people in the community, as they are by teachers in a school. Preventing children about whom there are safeguarding concerns from being home educated would do nothing whatsoever to prevent any abuse or neglect from taking place.
Home educated children are not hidden.
10. Do you agree that the local authority should visit the premises where home education is taking place provided 2 weeks notice is given?
Disagree
Absolutely not. Home educating parents have, for whatever reason, opted out of the state provided education in schools. They are fulfilling their duty laid out in the Education Act of ensuring that their children are educated, and if there is any concern that they are not, there are already effective systems in place to deal with that, if only they were understood and used correctly by the Local Authorities.
The Local Authority has no business visiting the premises where home education is taking place unless they have reasonable cause to believe that the parents are not fulfilling their legal duty to ensure the child is receiving an education. They already have the power to deal with such a situation.
Visiting the homes of families purely because they have chosen to home educate is discriminatory and intrusive.
11. Do you agree that the local authority should have the power to interview the child, alone if this is judged appropriate, or if not in the presence of a trusted person who is not the parent/carer?
Disagree
Absolutely not. Mr Badman’s report speaks a lot about the rights of the child, and how the voices of the children should be heard. If the child, for any reason whatsoever, does not wish to be interviewed alone, or with a trusted person present, that should be respected.
That this is being suggested purely because a family home educates, without there having to be any reasonable suspicion of the parents not fulfilling their duty, or of abuse or neglect, is insulting and discriminatory against home educating families.
The idea was put across in the report that sometimes a child may be being home educated against their will, and they need to be interviewed to ascertain whether this is the case. I know of no home educated child who is being home educated against their will, and whose preferences are not taken into account by the parents. I do, however, know of many many school children who do not wish to attend school. Are they to be taken into a room on their own and asked whether they want to come to school every day? Do please do that, and then respect and act on what the children say, and expect to see a huge rise in the numbers of home educated children!
To forcibly interview a child who does not wish to be interviewed, either on their own or with a trusted adult, would in itself be a form of child abuse, in my view.
12. Do you agree that the local authority should visit the premises and interview the child within four weeks of home education starting, after 6 months has elapsed, at the anniversary of home education starting, and thereafter at least on an annual basis? This would not preclude more frequent monitoring if the local authority thought that was necessary.
Disagree
See previous responses. No visits are necessary, desirable or beneficial to anybody, unless there is cause to believe that parents are not fulfilling their duty to ensure that their children are educated, or their is good reason to suspect abuse or neglect. Local Authorities already have the power to act in this case, if only it were understood and used correctly, and no change to this is needed.
Just wait…
Posted by: Debs on: October 12, 2009
…till Badders, Balls etc try to ban my new pillow, bought today in the hopes of finally being able to get a good night’s sleep
Autonomous Education pillow! This pillow is guilty of independent thought and determining its own outcomes! It does not adhere to anyone else’s ideas of what it should learn, and how and when! It must be banned, surely? It’s a danger to the State!
Hey, Badman, leave my pillow alone…
In every situation, go where the joy is
Posted by: Debs on: October 12, 2009
After a crap night’s sleep last night I awoke this morning with this phrase (and a few others) rattling around in my head. I like it. Joy is a word that’s a little overused in unschooling circles, to the point where it sometimes begins to lose any meaning. The meaning of the word in this phrase is simply that of ease, relaxation, going with the flow. It’s another way of saying, “say yes”. In every situation, go where the joy is. Well, I thought about that – is there really any joy to be had in every situation? I think there probably is, but sometimes going where the joy is simply means not beating yourself up, not blaming yourself, not making things harder than they need to be, going easy on yourself. Going where the joy is could mean something like taking the time to grieve, for instance, in whatever way and for how long you need to, and not letting yourself or others attach any guilt or shame to that. It could mean honouring yourself in stressful or difficult situations, looking after yourself, and battering down all those negative voices in your head telling you you’re not good enough, or you’ve failed. Going where the joy is means giving yourself a break.
When that phrase came into my head this morning, I was very wary of that word: Joy. I wished it was a different one, one I would have found easier to accept. The problem with the word joy is not just its overuse in some circles, but it’s exuberance. It is, in itself a joyful word. It’s hard to say it quietly, it clangs like a cymbal. You feel when you say it you should spread your arms and maybe do a little jump – a jump for joy! That is why I’ve been at pains to straight away try to describe what I mean by it in an every day context. There are no doubt times in life when cymbal-bashing joy is only fitting and proper – the births of babies, weddings etc. But it can be an everyday thing, as I hope to show in this post. The everyday joy is not a watered-down version of the loud jumping-for-joy version, but it is more sustainable over a long period of time. In every situation, go where the joy is. The most immediate example of this that came to mind as I gradually woke up this morning was of something I’ve read by a couple of different people on their blogs. I’m afraid I can’t remember now who they were, but anyway, the situation in both cases was very similar. Their child was going in the kitchen cupboards and either asked, or just go out without asking a bag of flour/sugar/other messy stuff and started tipping it all over the floor. In both cases the parent decided to go where the joy was and, perhaps after a moment’s hesitation, let them spread it out, draw in it with their fingers, do whatever they want. Of course the far more “normal” response would be to not let them, tidy it all up, and put the flour/whatever somewhere that couldn’t be reached in future.
Before this morning I would have said: I failed at this only recently when R was playing with the flour in the bag when we were baking. I made him keep it in the kitchen and wouldn’t let him go in the other room with it, which he wanted to, because “I don’t want flour everywhere.” Now, I’m not going to say I failed – I’m going to go where the joy is and say, it was a mistake, not a failure, and I have learned from it. I wasn’t going where the joy was, instead, I was thinking about the carpet. How bizarre. I don’t even care about the carpet! How can the carpet (which is a mess anyway, let’s face it) be more important than my son’s enjoyment and exploration? How could the state of the carpet ever be more important than my son and I’s connection, and relationship? Was it really worth upsetting him because I didn’t want flour on the carpet? Well, of course not, but it’s one of those slips that happens that I’ve described before, where the conventional-parent-speak comes out of your mouth without stopping by the brain or the emotion first. That’s not an excuse – it’s just how it happens sometimes. Anyway, that’s just an every day example of a time I didn’t go where the joy was. I completely ignored the joy and worried about the carpet instead, but, in keeping with going with the joy, I’m going to go easy on myself about it and put it down to experience.
On a personal level, I’m really prone to this – beating myself up all the time, calling myself a failure, insulting myself, being extremely critical in a way I would never tolerate if it was coming from someone else instead of me. So that’s something I really need to work on. Even in a post about a little epiphany I had about going where the joy is I was tempted to call myself a failure! Lots to learn. I call myself, “stupid cow”, “idiot”, “silly bitch”, light-heartedly, all the time. But no matter how light-hearted, those words are bringing me down. Those words are creating a reality – the reality of me. I’m the silly cow who can never get anything right. I’m the clumsy idiot who’s always in the way. I’m the awkward one who has to rehearse what she’s going to say to the bus driver before the bus arrives, “return to town, please – return to town, please”, how crazy is that? And there I go again – now I’m crazy as well as everything else. In every situation, go where the joy is. There is no joy in this behaviour. It’s a form of self-hatred, I recognise that, but what to do about it? Go where the joy is. In every situation, go where the joy is. I can laugh at myself (which I think is an essential thing to be able to do, by the way) without all the insults, and the verbal self-harming. I can do that. I can go where the joy is.
You may have noticed this is one of my working-it-out-as-I-go-along posts, and I’m not apologising for that. That’s what this blog is all about – working it out. I will be writing more about this, I should think, but for now I’m off to follow my own advice, listen to the phrase that popped, perfectly formed and making perfect sense, into my head this morning, to go where the joy is, which at this moment is over there, where my little boy is watching Mr Bean and eating a bit of cake, giggling away.
Protected: Painting
Posted by: Debs on: October 11, 2009
- In: Photographs
- Enter your password to view comments
Free Sunflowers! And adventures with wool.
Posted by: Debs on: October 11, 2009
- In: Creativity| Gratitude| Play| The Garden
- 2 Comments
The pole on the right of this picture is our bird feeder, and the most wonderful thing has happened. Some sunflower seeds have fallen from the bird feeder, and worked their way through the gravel and the (very effective, as you can see) weed-suppressing membrane, and germinated in the soil.
Then the little stems have worked their way back up again, through the soil, through the membrane and the gravel, and now we have these gorgeous blooms!
Isn’t that lovely? Ah, the benefits of being really lazy about weeding! In other news, today I did some crochet for the first time in absolutely months, to mend R’s cardigan. In town the other day he managed to get hold of a thread and completely undo the seem of one of the sleeves, right up to the armpit! It’s a lovely cardigan and it would be a shame if he couldn’t wear it anymore, so today I’ve fixed it.
I could have just sewn it of course, but I hate sewing! Then R got hold of the wool and did one of his now-fairly-routine wrapping it around everything in sight tricks. He does this all over the garden and everywhere, and then I have to go around detangling it all. After this he wanted the paints out, so we used the wool in our creative efforts.
This was lovely because R hasn’t asked to get the paints out for ages – he seems more interested in just running around like a lunatic at the moment. Oh and daleks of course. So it made a nice change. :)
New Morning
Posted by: Debs on: October 11, 2009
This was one of the songs we put on the compilation tape to be played at our wedding reception. It was one of the very few Nick Cave songs I thought I could get away with, with all those mums and aunties and uncles there! lol. Also on the tape were lots of Steeleye Span, a bit of Nephilim, Frank Sinatra, Pixies, Kate Bush, something from The Wicker Man soundtrack, something from The Company of Wolves soundtrack, something from The Hunger soundtrack, all kinds of stuff. Oh and Chet Baker, “Let’s Get Lost” – what a great song. You should have seen my new husband and my Auntie Josie having a right shindig round the room to “All Around My Hat”. Priceless. What a great day.
I’m posting this as a sign of new positivity in my personal life.
One morn I awakened
A new sun was shining
The sky was a Kingdom
All covered in blood
The moon and the stars
Where the troops that
lay conquered
Like fruit left to wither
Poor spiritual food
And the spears of bright sun
All brave with it conquest
Did hover unearthly
In banners of fire
I knelt in the garden
Awash with the dawning
And a voice came so brightly
I covered my eyes
Thank you for giving
This bright new morning
So steeped seemed the evening
In darkness and blood
There’ll be no sadness
There’ll be no sorrow
There’ll be no road too narrow
There’ll be a new day
And it’s today
For us
Grey Hair Update
Posted by: Debs on: October 10, 2009
The last time I blogged about this was April this year, when I told the whole story of letting the grey hairs, or “moon hairs” show, and concluded:
Unfortunately, if you do an online search for grey (or gray) hair, 99% of the results are for cures for grey hair (it’s not an illness), preventative measures you can supposedly take to stop you getting grey hair (it’s not an illness), or, and I think actually worse, patronising articles about how, if you are going to go grey, you should get the right cut, and wear the right clothes, and don’t forget the right make-up (the last time I wore any make-up was years ago) and, well, just do it RIGHT goddammit! These articles typically come from hair and fashion fascists who are so obviously only out to sell you something that it’s quite insulting to your intelligence.
Well, I have gone grey, and I haven’t been back to the hairdresser since the fateful dye-chopping-off day, and have no intention of ever going back. I continue to wear mainly black, and dark colours, and do not own, nor do I intend to buy, any make-up whatsoever. These things should not feel like acts of subversion, but they do. It should not be an act of rebellion to not dye your hair, not wear make-up, and not particularly care what you wear every day just as long as all your wobbly bits are covered, but it is. What a crazy, mixed up world we live in.
I still haven’t dyed my hair and I’m not even tempted to – and I still haven’t been back to the hairdresser or bought into any of that “get your clothes and make-up right if you want to go grey!” rubbish. Here is what my hair looks like today:
A good bit longer and a good bit more grey too. The overall effect is much fairer than it was before, which is only to be expected. I’m really pleased with it, and the condition continues to be much better than it was when I was dying it.
Also, just the last week, I have embarked on a different washing method by taking up the no shampoo challenge (again). I did this before, shortly after R was born, not using any shampoo or conditioner on my hair – just wetting it and massaging my scalp, and that was it. And using a natural bristle brush to distribute the natural oils. I lasted a couple of months, but I was still dying my hair at the time, and wasn’t ready to stop. So when it came to time to dye my hair I gave up the no ‘poo method again, as the two didn’t seem compatible for some reason.
I have also done the just conditioner method for a few months as well. This is where you still don’t use any shampoo, but instead use loads of conditioner (must be dimethicone etc-free or it won’t work properly – the cheapest, crappiest conditioners work best!), and give it a really good massage in, then rinse and dry as normal. I did that for longer, maybe 4 months, and I can’t remember at all why I stopped, but I did, anyway.
So now I’ve gone back to ditching the shampoo and doing the water only thing – the last time I washed it with shampoo was last weekend. At the moment it is a little greasy but that soon passes. Use of shampoo causes your scalp to over-produce oil to compensate for it being stripped by the shampoo. So it takes a while for your scalp to catch on that you’re not using shampoo anymore and to stabilise the oil production, and then the greasiness goes away. I don’t think I ever quite got to that stage last time, but I’m going to try and persevere this time, and won’t be dying it or doing any other horrible things to it, so it should be easier.
I’ve even considered getting dreadlocks like these fabby people, but decided it would possibly be a bit irritating to me because I like to be able to run my fingers through my hair! If I were to do that I’d wait till my hair was a good deal longer, anyway.
Blood, Fertility, Pain, Periods
Posted by: Debs on: October 9, 2009
Possibly too much information for some so feel free to skip this one!
I’ve been having problems for a while now, off and on, with my periods. They have been heavy ever since having R, but not as painful as they were before until recently. Late last year or early this year (can’t remember exactly) I had a period that seemed like it was never going to stop, and after several weeks of bleeding went to the doctor who gave me some tablets to stop the bleeding. Because the doc didn’t seem to have thought of it, I also got some iron tablets from Asda and they helped me feel much better. Then I didn’t have a period at all for a couple of months. I was concerned I might be experience an early perimenopause (where everything starts to slow down before the menopause), but over this year things seem to have settled down again. My cycle is now 10 days longer than it used to be, at 42 days average, as opposed to 32 days, but I can live with that.
The reason my cycle is of some concern is because we would like to have another child. It seemed to be just as we made the decision to try again that my cycle went all over the place, making me feel defeated before we had even started. I thought possibly my body was trying to tell me something. For those months where the length of my cycle varied as much as 20 days from one month to the next, I felt cheated and jinxed. Anyway, as I say, things seem to have settled down again now.
Generally my periods are less painful than they were before having R, but I do have the odd one which is exceptionally painful, and this week has been one of those. I know I have fibroids, which may explain some of this, but have no other uterine problems (endometriosis, ovarian cysts etc) that I know of. Yesterday we were just leaving the library when a severe abdominal pain suddenly struck and actually stopped me from moving. I managed to get to a bench in the park and sat down, bent double, for about 10 minutes. When I eventually managed to get up I couldn’t walk and had to stand, leaning on the pram, for another few minutes before I managed to set off at a very slow limping pace. Poor R had no play in the park, I just couldn’t do it, and had to get home. I was actually panicking a bit thinking I might have to ring for an ambulance if it continued once we’d got home. R was brilliant and actually told me to sit down when we got home! But by then it hurt to sit, so I had to stand/limp around for a while, waiting for the painkillers I’d taken to work. It still hurts now – feels a bit like a pulled muscle. I used to get this occasionally before having R – it’s the fibroids – and I would have to sit for a while with my hand pressed against my stomach. You literally can’t move when it strikes, but sitting and breathing deeply for a while usually lessens the pain enough so that you can get up and carry on, just a bit slower than before. What happened yesterday felt a lot like that, but worse.
Anyway, I was moaning about this on Facebook (which I have now rejoined because I am really rubbish at staying away!) and a very lovely person there recommended trying Agnus Castus. I did some reading up about it, which convinced me it could be just the thing for me, and to get my hormones sorted out, which are terrible and I get the most horrendous PMT. Also, it’s supposed to enhance fertility! So we went into town today and I’ve got some in liquid form with a little pipette. Today is day one on Agnus Castus – you can expect updates on how it goes. Also, another friend on Facebook mentioned acupuncture, and I’m so glad she did because I had completely forgotten about that. After we had been trying to conceive for 5 years, I had one session of acupuncture, and got pregnant the next month! Possibly just a coincidence, but it’s enough to make me want to give it another go. It should be good for my hormones, too, anyway. There is a practice just around the corner from me, so I’m going to contact them and see how much it is, and hopefully get booked in.
We have been backwards and forwards about trying for another baby. For a long time, because of the post natal depression and everything, I thought there was no way I could go through it all again, but now things are very different. In finding solutions to the hormonal/period problems, I feel more positive than ever about trying to create a new addition to the family now.
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Rethinking Respect: a Revolution
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Wolves and Humans Foundation
